We are over the moon in love with our newest tribe member. He’s sweet, chubby and making our lives all the more full. Every morning, when we get Vera-lou from her crib she asks, “Baby?” and we remind her “Lenox Ray is here to stay”. We named him Lenox because his daddy liked the name when he photographed a wedding in Lenox, Massachusetts almost four years ago. And well let’s face it, Mama is a sucker for nicknames, Nox. So, fellow-mamas, if you’re worried about the name of your baby like I was for 42 weeks… don’t fret- it will all come together. We gave him the middle name Ray because that was my Grandpa Wilkins’s middle name. He was the Grandpa that had a vision that, I was going to be healed, not to mention in Scotland people think it means grace or you know the baby name website says “wise protector”. Either way he’s named after a man that sought Jesus and believed in his great power.
So, you might be wondering, how did the delivery go? Excluding all the gory details, Lenox’s birth defied every medical prediction that would have been given to it if I had my brain disease. With the help of an amazing doula and my awesome husband- hours later, he came into this world naturally without any interventions. After he came out I was higher than a kite because I was able to birth an 8 pound baby, but most importantly, I truly am healed. That is my God doing the unthinkable!
God also did something else really amazing for me. He gave me a blood relative. This fact is just as miraculous as the healing of my brain disease. Now that I am not waddling around and chasing a toddler I can finally see why I was such a hesitant Prego. I think internally, I was fighting this dreadful feeling of abandonment. I tried really hard to be excited about being pregnant, there are SO many things that could have gone wrong. But subconsciously, I was struggling being so close to a mysterious and at current standing negative part of my adoption story. I had so many mixed feelings though out the whole 42 weeks. It wasn’t about the nausea or the sleeplessness, I would take that over this other awful feeling.
But the moment Lenox was born, I felt this sense of relief. I finally met my own DNA and it was mind-blowing. In some strange way I felt SO close to my birth family because I got to look them all the face. I still cannot believe my birth mother went through all that gory stuff to give me life and not get the medal at the end of the marathon, the baby. Now having done it, I am so glad to know she went on to have other children and I just hope she can dream of the life, she had apart of giving me. So these past 11 weeks of my little man’s life have had there chaotic moments with my toddler and baby in tow, but this is my new normal and again my adoption story grows. I now have a biological relative and I must say I am so proud of him.
I also have a deeper love for both my birth mother and the birthmother of my first born. Vera-lou’s birthmother and I have shared many laughs about the post birth experience as well as tears at the grief, she will forever feel. Having a baby has only confirmed for me, our call to this crazy tribe life, that involves so many different people. God has been oh so faithful to write this crazy story, that unites so many people from all ends of the earth and boy is he making beauty out of chaos.
Here is a little slideshow of Lenox’s visitors!
P.S- Thank you everyone for your love and support in this new season 🙂 We couldn’t have done it without ya!
P.S.S-Sorry readers Lenox was born back in December! After a few of you have reached out I thought you deserve an update. For quicker news on our family check out our instagram handles @brandiebersole or @ebersolephoto