Everyone has to be open in #openadoption

I wrote this a few days ago, a lot is happening it’s been awesome and intense but here is a snip-it about our visit with Mama T. 

So I really should be in bed on the eve of my daughter first birthday bash. However, I can’t sleep. I am trying to soak in all of the love, people have for my little tribe aka my daughter’s life.

Vera-lou’s birthmother is here in all her Texan glory. Wearing sandals when it’s snowing outside and enjoying her mini-me (yes, they are like twins, and I love it). It’s crazy, that this 18-year-old flew all the way just for a birthday party and a visit. But this birthmom loves her birth-daughter. It was hilarious-when we went to Trader Joe’s this afternoon to pick up some last minutes and the casher didn’t quite understand, why we were buying stuff for ‘our’ daughter’s birthday. Yes, I live in a liberal state but the girl looks like she could also be my student, so insert utter confusion. Anyway, we are enjoying our time together and laughing a lot.

But the love it takes for open adoption to happen isn’t just about us. It’s about Vera-lou’s whole extended family, coming along side us and doing this with us. Danny’s sister and brother-in-law, opening their home to Mama T to stay the nights. It’s Grammy, Grandpa and Uncle Kyle who are also visiting from out of state and are willingly to share their visit with Mama T. Amazing Uncle Perry, remembering Mama T from his surprise visit to Texas when she was born and greeting her with a big hug. Mama T was surprised he remember her. He responded by saying, “I see you every time I look at Vera-lou, how could I ever forget you”.

Lastly, it’s my niece or I should say my best friend. Who is 9 years old and eagerly came to help us set up Vera-lou’s party. She met Mama T and kindly said hello. I could tell her little brain was going a mile a minute, trying to make it all make sense in her head and connect with her cousins’ birthmother.  We giggled as usual talking about when she was in my wedding, or how she got her braces off. Then with the most beautiful grace, she began to talk to Mama T. Telling her about how much she loves Vera-lou and how happy she is that Vera-lou is apart of our family. Alexa told Mama T about the project she did in school about New Mexico in honor of Vera-lou. And went on about how her cousin Micah wears a Mexican flag on his book bag because it’s his favorite soccer team and for Vera-lou. I really could not comprehend what I was hearing, so I turned away and tried to not cry. Alexa gets it. She understands that adoption or open adoption is not this normal thing but it takes love, sacrifice and compassion. It takes everyone, even her. I am so proud to be her aunt and get so emotional thinking about her growing up, but the lovely human she is becoming is remarkable.

I worry being a mom makes me less cool, but I will say we are adapting to the change in our relationship and just making Vera-lou join in on our fun. Here are pictures of us from her 9th birthday sleepover, this past May. It was epic— like I said we’re best friends. vl birthday-64

vl birthday-65unnamed-1


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